Just when you think you are sitting down with your Kindle to read a little trash over your lunch break on a Monday, you discover how truly bad your erotica choice really is. The title sounded so good yet all you can do is laugh out loud as cheesy language describes hilarious sexual acts that are too bizarre or distasteful to ever be sexy. How can some erotic authors nail it while others fail it? What makes perfectly good erotica go bad? Here are four of our warning signs:
- DIY Titles. The availability of today’s self-publishing market means there is an incredible inventory of erotica options available to readers. When there are no editors separating good titles from bad ones, anything goes. Thankfully this type of market saturation leads to an increasing amount of erotic novels we can make fun of, but the typical reader may not know to heed our warnings. So, when you read a title along the lines of Utterly Slutterly, just keep moving along.
- Not Judging the Book by its Cover. When authors create titles themselves, they also create cover art themselves too. Couple a ridiculous title with a ridiculous illustration and we have ourselves a double whammy erotic fail. I once saw a cartoon depiction of a BDSM housewife straddling the arm of a recliner and decided then and there that erotica had probably gone bad. Be sure to spot the artistic warning signs clearly before you commit to your download.
- A little too Much Descriptive Creativity. Ok, so most readers are supportive of erotica authors mixing up descriptive language choices in a realistic manner. Not every sexual member needs to be “throbbing” or “engorged” but when “love custard” is being “devoured” we draw the line.
- The Fetishes/Fantasies are out of this World, Literally. If aliens are landing in full-on patent leather femdom gear, put the Kindle down and slowly walk away. When shape shifters turn into cute animals and go on a quest for other furries, it’s completely natural to laugh, not sign with pleasure.
Depending on your mood as an erotica fan, you may be looking for an emotional connection through a sensual romp or a dirty rendezvous with a fictional bad boy. Exercising your fantasies through the written word is a time-honored classic, but don’t get sucked into what seemed like a good title only to be faced with too much slurping, dripping, and quivering. By following the four tips above, we are confident you will avoid 99% of all erotica literature that is so bad, it’s funny.